Hi everyone!
It’s Cindy here. As you have noticed, I haven’t written a blog in a little over a month. Not to fear, I am still here! In the last month, a lot has happened in preparation for the new self to develop. I’ve been taking the time to connect with friends, taking small road trips for clearer reflections, healing my energetic and physical body, being surrounded by pure love, my food consumption has turned from “blah” to “WOW”, and the list goes on!
It’s good to take the time out of the usual “routine”. That is when I start to notice the unfolding of creativity flowering in all parts of my life. Whether it be with myself, friends, nature, the power of the mind and spirit, and joy. I live in a dream of spontaneous adventure; that is when I see the magic happening all around me. Thank you.
I have come into a practice of letting go. Letting go to me is not holding onto fear, releasing tension, transcending old energy that do not serve me, and finding freedom within myself. So I haven’t been blogging much because I’ve been letting GO a bunch!!
THE ONSET OF FEAR SETTING:
Physically my body has not been 100% in the last ten months. In March of 2010, I was hit with mononucleosis, a virus that you do no want to bother with. I hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and back up in one day in May with the lingering effects of mononucleosis still in my fatigued physical being. This manifested into a jungle of soft tissue knee injuries to both of my knees. From June to October 2010, I dedicated my life to physical therapy.
During that time, a surge of fear hit my life more than ever before. Who am I now? Why is this happening to me? Will I have lifelong problems? Will I be able to hold my own children in the future? Why does this pain feel so real? Will I be able to run again? Not only did these questions run through my mind every single day, I also had a lot of self hatred, feelings of isolation, frustration, grief, depression, bitterness, and anger. The physical self was in pain and so was my emotional self. Fear of hurting my body again was a new motivation during my days to not do ANYTHING fun.
All this fear was building up a wall of tension and blockages in my body and in my spirit. I knew I had to transmute all these energies of fear to love and compassion in order to fully heal.
By October my knees and my energetic self was doing much better. I also had a month off to go to Thailand to enjoy myself!! Love filled the heart, I felt free. This feeling remained once I got back home to the San Francisco Bay Area…but I still had a lot of tension in my lower legs and fear in my mind. I noticed that the way I walking was like I was walking on egg shells. How am I going to transcend all this? It isn’t an easy task.
So I sit here now, it is March 2011. I am still healing my physical body as my hamstrings are extremely tight and has caused me to experience hamstring insertion point issues and tendonitis. Myself and my physical therapist believe that while my knees were in such pain, the muscles that support the knees were enduring a lot of compensated work as well. I know I am on a forward movement of complete healing…it just takes a lot of time, work, patience, dedication, and love. I would say I’m at 80% complete.
THE HEALING PROCESS:
I believe in order to heal takes action and there are many steps. Action comes in the form of dedication. My dedication is being a good patient and attending physical therapy three times a week; or finding the avenues for physical assistance. Next comes will power. I must have the will power to not push myself too much in order for me to not go back to square one (re-injury). Action for me also means reaching out for support; whether it be from friends, family, and health supporters. Make sure these people are also willing to listen and not criticize especially when you’re going through a time of challenge. Take the effort to change attitude and thoughts to becoming optimistic. This alone will lift your spirit up and make you feel good instantly. Getting the right amount of sleep is beneficial for energy healing of the entire system. I have to also make sure that I am taking care of myself and not slacking off ie stretching, supplementing soft tissues with vitamins and minerals, staying hydrated, cleansing, eating foods that don’t add to inflammation, and icing when needed.
LETTING GO:
In order for action and healing to happen…LETTING GO needs to BE in ACTION first. I have had to learn to let go of fear, tension, mental frustration, anger, the past, and letting go of my old self. It takes a lot of work! I have had to learn to physically let go of tension in my body because there was build up blockages. What helped me a lot was frequent massages and getting energy body work done because I had to put my body in the hands of another being. I’ve also gotten into a sensory deprivation float tank where I *HAD* to let go tension in my body in order to FLOAT. Learning to stay ultimately present helps to let go of the events that lead up to my injuries. Breathing exercises while I spoke out-loud to myself about letting go has helped a lot as well.
All this self work is very tedious… you’ll notice that there are a lot of people out there who just let their pain take over their life and not do anything about it. It takes energy to be in pain… transmute that same energy into love.
You have to keep the ball rolling in order to see light.
LETTING GO in the BIGGER PICTURE:
I know when fear and blockages are moving is when I feel this surge of relief come into my body. I feel the process of healing immensely physically and emotionally.
The last ten months, I have had to learn to really love myself unconditionally. If you don’t love yourself, energetically I believe pain will manifest into your body somehow. Letting go of tension and fear will also respond positively without having to endure additional pain and suffering Knowing that THIS process with my body is only a hiccup…perhaps a big bump in the road…has helped me move forward to self healing. This is not permanent. I have to BELIEVE I’m going to be okay. It is also a reminder to me that I am not my body and I am not my diagnosis; though I have to take care of my body because it is my vehicle in this lifetime.
I have also learned while going through with this process that letting go and just BEing can flourish many things to happen miraculously! When we DIVE into the moment of NOW and not having our minds be filled with so much clutter, you start to see beauty, there is joy, there is love, and there is compassion.
For example, even though I am working with my new body and new self to becoming healed and strong again… my life around me has spun many great moments. Meeting new people from all walks of life that share the same interests as I do, being invited to places like Hawaii, friends gathering around a dinner table full of excitement, I’ve been offered many gifts of more body work to add to my healing, work is fun, food seems to be more abundant than ever before, and overall… life is just PERFECT right now.
All I have to do is maintain this vision and attitude.
A reflection to you all that what you put out…is what you put in. What you put in…is what you put out. Learn to cultivate your life and your own self healing. Learn to love yourself, learn to be free. It takes time..and if you need support I am here to back you up 100%.
I am free in the sense that I am not in suffering of my own mental game anymore. I am now in a 200 hour yoga teacher training that is adding to my healing and self love. I will continue to heal myself…and it is in my power.
I have to cut it off right now. But I will be back…
My next challenge for you is:
What do you need to let go of that isn’t serving your highest good? Say it out-loud.
Loving you all,
Cindy
Cindy Manit 