The practice of letting go…physically and emotionally.

Hi everyone!

It’s Cindy here. As you have noticed, I haven’t written a blog in a little over a month. Not to fear, I am still here! In the last month, a lot has happened in preparation for the new self to develop. I’ve been taking the time to connect with friends, taking small road trips for clearer reflections, healing my energetic and physical body, being surrounded by pure love, my food consumption has turned from “blah” to “WOW”, and the list goes on!

It’s good to take the time out of the  usual “routine”. That is when I start to notice the unfolding of creativity flowering in all parts of my life. Whether it be with myself, friends, nature, the power of the mind and spirit, and joy. I live in a dream of spontaneous adventure; that is when I see the magic happening all around me. Thank you.

I have come into a practice of letting go. Letting go to me is not holding onto fear, releasing tension, transcending old energy that do not serve me, and finding freedom within myself. So I haven’t been blogging much because I’ve been letting GO a bunch!!

THE ONSET OF FEAR SETTING:

Physically my body has not been 100% in the last ten months. In March of 2010, I was hit with mononucleosis, a virus that you do no want to bother with. I hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and back up in one day in May with the lingering effects of mononucleosis still in my fatigued physical being. This manifested into a jungle of soft tissue knee injuries to both of my knees. From June to October 2010, I dedicated my life to physical therapy.

During that time, a surge of fear hit my life more than ever before. Who am I now? Why is this happening to me? Will I have lifelong problems? Will I be able to hold my own children in the future? Why does this pain feel so real? Will I be able to run again? Not only did these questions run through my mind every single day, I also had a lot of self hatred, feelings of isolation, frustration, grief, depression, bitterness, and anger. The physical self was in pain and so was my emotional self. Fear of hurting my body again was a new motivation during my days to not do ANYTHING fun.

All this fear was building up a wall of tension and blockages in my body and in my spirit. I knew I had to transmute all these energies of fear to love and compassion in order to fully heal.

By October my knees and my energetic self was doing much better. I also had a month off to go to Thailand to enjoy myself!! Love filled the heart, I felt free. This feeling remained once I got back home to the San Francisco Bay Area…but I still had a lot of tension in my lower legs and fear in my mind. I noticed that the way I walking was like I was walking on egg shells. How am I going to transcend all this? It isn’t an easy task.

So I sit here now, it is March 2011. I am still healing my physical body as my hamstrings are extremely tight and has caused me to experience hamstring insertion point issues and tendonitis. Myself and my physical therapist believe that while my knees were in such pain, the muscles that support the knees were enduring a lot of compensated work as well. I know I am on a forward movement of complete healing…it just takes a lot of time, work, patience, dedication, and love.  I would say I’m at 80% complete.

THE HEALING PROCESS:

I believe in order to heal takes action and there are many steps. Action comes in the form of dedication. My dedication is being a good patient and attending physical therapy three times a week; or finding the avenues for physical assistance. Next comes will power. I must have the will power to not push myself too much in order for me to not go back to square one (re-injury). Action for me also means reaching out for support; whether it be from friends, family, and health supporters. Make sure these people are also willing to listen and not criticize especially when you’re going through a time of challenge. Take the effort to change attitude and thoughts to becoming optimistic. This alone will lift your spirit up and make you feel good instantly. Getting the right amount of sleep is beneficial for energy healing of the entire system. I have to also make sure that I am taking care of myself and not slacking off  ie stretching, supplementing soft tissues with vitamins and minerals, staying hydrated, cleansing, eating foods that don’t add to inflammation, and icing when needed.

LETTING GO:

In order for action and healing to happen…LETTING GO needs to BE in ACTION first. I have had to learn to let go of fear, tension, mental frustration, anger, the past, and letting go of my old self. It takes a lot of work! I have had to learn to physically let go of tension in my body because there was build up blockages. What helped me a lot was frequent massages and getting energy body work done because I had to put my body in the hands of another being. I’ve also gotten into a sensory deprivation float tank where I *HAD* to let go tension in my body in order to FLOAT. Learning to stay ultimately present helps to let go of the events that lead up to my injuries. Breathing exercises while I spoke out-loud  to myself about letting go has helped a lot as well.

All this self work is very tedious… you’ll notice that there are a lot of people out there who just let their pain take over their life and not do anything about it. It takes energy to be in pain… transmute that same energy into love.

You have to keep the ball rolling in order to see light.

LETTING GO in the BIGGER PICTURE:

I know when fear and blockages are moving  is when I feel this surge of relief come into my body. I feel the process of healing immensely physically and emotionally.

The last ten months, I have had to learn to really love myself unconditionally. If you don’t love yourself, energetically I believe pain will manifest into your body somehow. Letting go of tension and fear will also respond positively without having to endure additional pain and suffering Knowing that THIS process with my body is only a hiccup…perhaps a big bump in the road…has helped me move forward to self healing. This is not permanent. I have to BELIEVE I’m going to be okay. It is also a reminder to me that I am not my body and I am not my diagnosis; though I have to take care of my body because it is my vehicle in this lifetime.

I have also learned while going through with this process that letting go and just BEing can flourish many things to happen miraculously! When we DIVE into the moment of NOW and not having our minds be filled with so much clutter, you start to see beauty, there is joy, there is love, and there is compassion.

For example, even though I am working with my new body and new self to becoming healed and strong again… my life around me has spun many great moments. Meeting new people from all walks of life that share the same interests as I do,  being invited to places like Hawaii, friends gathering around a dinner table full of excitement, I’ve been offered many gifts of more body work to add to my healing, work is fun,  food seems to be more abundant than ever before, and overall… life is just PERFECT right now.

All I have to do is maintain this vision and attitude.

A reflection to you all that what you put out…is what you put in. What you put in…is what you put out. Learn to cultivate your life and your own self healing. Learn to love yourself, learn to be free. It takes time..and if you need support I am here to back you up 100%.

I am free in the sense that I am not in suffering of my own mental game anymore. I am now in a 200 hour yoga teacher training that is adding to my healing and self love. I will continue to heal myself…and it is in my power.

I have to cut it off right now. But I will be back…

My next challenge for you is:

What do you need to let go of that isn’t serving your highest good? Say it out-loud.

Loving you all,

Cindy

Sunsets and Sunrises of Thailand…I am home in my heart.

Hi everyone!!

If you happen to travel through south east Asia and Thailand, make sure you experience a sunrise and a sunset! Catch these miracles of life in a country setting and at the beach! You will have a spiritual awakening! I was born and raised in America, I don’t get to see sunrises and sunsets like I had experienced in Thailand. Those moments reminded me that as a world of transitional beings, we truly reflect ONE sun. A feeling of cohesive union of life and liberty enthralled my heart with an energy of security.

I truly felt at home. Being that I am a Thai born American, traveling in a beautiful country where most of my family lives, where my parents were born, where my grand father had fought and worked so hard for, knowing there is a lot of family history where my pure roots were born, I know that Thailand is truly the motherland of my heart’s joy.

Sunrises and sunsets now remind me that within my being, home is truly inside my heart. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, home is always here in this special place. When we rise, we grow. When we set, we stir energy for our next transition of growth.

The magic of Thailand follows me wherever I go now. I feel complete.

Here is a video of a sunset I took on Baan Tai Beach, Koh Phangan-Thailand. At the end of the video you hear people in the background saying, “I LOVE YOU…!!” “I LOVE YOU TOO” Ahhh….Thailand, how lovely you truly are…

And of course, here are some pictures I took!! ENJOY!!!

Sunrise over limestone mountains at Khao Sok National Park, Cheow Lan Lake-Thailand

Sky during sunset on Koh Phi Phi, Thailand

Sunset behind the mountain on Koh Phi Phi. Taken from viewpoint.

Sunset, Gulf of Thailand, Koh Phangan

Long Tail boat and fisherman between me and Koh Somui.

Taken from Baan Tai Beach, Koh Phangan

Taken while standing in the ocean about 50 feet from shore, it never got deep!! =)

Taking a picture of myself in the ocean….what a blissed out moment!!

Thank you for taking a peak!!

My 1st Love Making with Henna.

Sipping on my cup of tea, I’m sitting presently focused…with her eyes drawing me in…she tells me to “come closer”. Her legs spread open and I inch closer to her. Slowly I’m making my way in between her thighs as they hold me firmly around my waist, hugging me in so closely. I feel her warmth. The heat exchange between us is fierce. Face to face, heart to heart, eyes to eyes, I take a deep breath as my heart begins to race. She lays a warm pillow on my knees as she places her hands to rest in my lap. She leans in even closer to me, starring at my chest, pondering and producing the creation in her mind. At this point I’m thinking to myself, “am I supposed to kiss you now?”

No I didn’t kiss her.

At that moment, I felt the first stroke of wet paint. It was moving ever so delicately across my warm skin, firmly just breathing above my breasts. I feel the strokes make its’ journey above my heart. The aroma of eucalyptus from the henna cools my mind, a refreshment to my spirit. I sit in complete silence…surrendering to this moment of creativity, in natural flow. Her hands are still, soft, graceful, while allowing spirit to guide them in this exchange of timeless peace. Completion is near… and I am excited!!

You don’t have to be a “YOGI” to do yoga?

A yogi or yogin (Sanskrit: yogin-, nominative yogī (Devanagari योगी; feminine yoginī) is a term for a male practitioner of various forms of spiritual practice – Wikipedia

I love going to yoga classes. I love getting into a pigeon pose. I love breathing and balancing. I love the sound of “OM”. And I love seeing all the beautiful people in my life practice yoga with me too. Yoga has enhanced my life immensely.

Though I’m not exactly sure what it means to be a “yogi”. I feel the term can mean so many things. I do believe it means one who practices yoga. If you eat, sleep, breathe, and live as yoga, I might consider you a complete yogi. But how exactly do you define someone who is a yogi?

I do understand that yoga is not only a physical practice, but it is also a way of life. The union of myself and my world greatly impacts my well being into a reality of dreams. Yoga is a union allowing your soul, your body, your spirit, your mind, and your universe to become one balanced vehicle of high life altering enhancements.

What I have realized while practicing is that yoga has been my guide to allow me to become AWAKE. Yoga has allowed me to become AWARE of what there already IS. It is the unfolding of layers, boxes, and structure that opens my mind to see and feel how abundant and beautiful my life is. The opening of my body is interlinked with the opening of my mind; which results in a fulfillment of wellness. If I did not practice yoga, would I be able to get to this point of fulfillment? Perhaps.

I also do understand that within the culture of yoga, a lot of people connect their practice with the way they eat and the way they maintain heath.

Ayurveda (Sanskrit: आयुर्वेद; Āyurveda, the “science of life”) or ayurvedic medicine is a system of traditional medicine native to India^[1] and practiced in other parts of the world as a form of alternative medicine.^{[2] -Wikipedia}

Ayurveda and yoga is a common union for many people who associate themselves in the yoga community. Not everyone practices auyervedic living though. Some people will be inspired to eat much healthier in other ways that works for them. Good food does help with the overall health of your well being.

What about yoga clothes? I’ve noticed that brands like Lululemon and Hard Tail are making a scene into all the yoga studios. You’ll see a lot of women showing off the latest gear in the prettiest of colors, accentuating their curves of beauty. Nothing is wrong with that, it’s just a trend I’ve been noticing. The fashion world of yoga is coming into play.

A few months ago, I was talking to a woman in a tea lounge in San Francisco about hiking and yoga. She was really amazed that I practice yoga, hike, go to the Buddhist temples in the area and eat pretty healthy. The remark she made surprised me, “WOW you don’t seem like a spiritual person, you look like a hipster!” What surprises me is that there are a lot of expectations and stereotypes developing within the yoga and/or conscious community from my point of view, especially here in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Of course, there are MANY modules of practices out there available for us human beings to feel alive! Yoga just happened to be one of my vehicles to get me to that destination.

Now, do I have to eat like everyone else does? Do I have to follow what other yoga practitioners are doing? Do I have to look like how everyone else looks? Not at all. I have learned to accept myself the way I am a long time ago. I do not need to conform to other people’s ideals nor do I have to conform to anything I think may be “better” than who I am right now. I really don’t mind wearing shorts that I’ve had since I was thirteen years old in a yoga class. I don’t mind that I wear baggy pants and a t-shirt every day. If I look like a “hipster” to you, then great! I will still continue doing what I am doing. Being me.

I don’t classify myself as a “yogi” because I’m not someone who uses my practice of yoga to make me who I AM. I used to be a touring tennis player. Some people used to call me “Tennis”, as if that was what I was. Just tennis. I don’t want to label myself as anything. Yoga is a part of my daily practice. My daily practice is allowing myself to flow naturally. I do yoga, but I’m just Cindy. Cindy Manit.

My challenge for you is: Ask yourself what area in your life you feel you aren’t being your natural self? How does it make you feel? And what can you do to change that?

Always remember to be yourself! Your full natural self! And you are loved. =)

Loving you all.

See you soon!

-Cindy

Picture: Myself with Shiva Rea. Wanderlust Festival July 2010. Lake Tahoe. http://www.wanderlustfestival.com/

Choice, love, passion.

“The essential conditions of everything you do must be choice, love, passion”. — Nadia Boulanger

When making that first leap on your path, make sure you have made your choice to do so very clear. Ask yourself why you are making this choice and make sure you understand why. If it is important and clear cut, you are ready to take action and move forward.

Every action we embark on in life, do we do it because we have to? Do it because you love to do it. We naturally feel alive with our choices in life when we lead with love. Gain for yourself a sense of purpose while being guided by love.

With love, there is passion. Having a passion for everything you do in life makes for an even more exciting and fulfilling sense of well being. Without passion, your fire for life choices will tire you out. The passion will make choices more meaningful to you.

The greatest gift we have as humans is the gift of choice. We are able to choose at our own will. Choose wisely with love and passion and you will feel confident in your path. Good choices are made when we choose with love and passion.

In my life, I refuse to do anything if I don’t love it or if I don’t have a passion for it. This includes choosing a job. I once went in for an interview for a marketing position at a firm in San Francisco. After hearing an hour about what the company was all about, working 9-5, and what my job tasks would entail, I knew right away I didn’t have a passion for it. I used to have a job working for a private internet company as a marketing sales representative, and boy did I not like it. It was a money driven business that I had no passion for. Though both jobs provided pay that was pretty good, but I’m choosing my happiness over money. I am shooting for well being and having a job that isn’t going to help me get there, is not a good choice.

My challenge for you is: Pick a few things in your life that you are involved in right now or want to do in the near future. Are you doing it out of choice? Do you love it? Do you have a passion for it?

Asking yourself these questions daily will definitely help you make better decisions. You will start to notice how better you will feel about yourself.

Loving you all.

See you soon!

-Cindy